Post by terroreign on Feb 14, 2011 2:40:10 GMT -5
List of the top 10 anti-albanian weapons of the modern age!
*Caution to Albanians* Do not stare too long into the screen!
- side affects may include: Constipation, Hallucinations, Nightmares, Lack of Sleep, and/or Stockholm syndrome.
10. Interpol
With Albanian-related crimes being in the top 10 of Interpol's 188 member countries, Albanians everywhere have about a 10% chance of becoming wanted at some point in their lives.
9. The History Channel
When not broadcasting WWII documentaries, it's busy depicting Alexander the Great as Greek, Emperor Justinian as Greek and Epirus as Greek, causing Albanians everywhere to squeal and pull their hair out in anger.
8. Street Signs
Albanians do not like street signs. They find them confusing. Albanian capital Tirana has a total of 10 street signs, 5 of them for entering city limits. Place street signs around your home and an Albanian will never be able to make it to your front door.
7. Basketballs
Toss one of these at an Albanian and watch him become confused and/or agitated by the enigmatic sphere-shaped object.
Albania being one of the worst-ranked basketball nations in Europe and the World, they avoid basketballs like shampoo.
6. Enver Hoxha
Ruling Albania with an Iron Fist for 41 years, he effectively made Albanians crap their pants at the sound of 'religion' or 'spy'. Albanians to this day still honor him, with the subconscious fear that he'll send them to a prison camp when he resurrects.
5. Babies
One thing Albanians fear more than Hoxha, is responsibility. Offer them a television they will gladly trade you their baby; offer a brand new Mercedes Benz and they will ship you a nursery.
4. Pyramid Schemes
AKA 'Albanian gambling' - Every Albanian's guilty pleasure; offer a good enough pitch and he'll be your new, excited 'associate', with many more of his countrymen to follow.
3. GTA IV
In this award-winning and extremely popular video game, you get to play as Serb Niko Bellic and have to kill Albanians hoodlums in order to progress through the missions. Pop this badboy into your PS3 and watch the Albanians get flustered.
2. Arkan
His forces being responsible for killing vast numbers of Albanians in 1999 and sending Albanian heroes to dog-paddle in the adriatic sea; the word "Arkan" triggers Albanians to shriek in unison: "Ethnic Cleansing!", typically accompanied with a smelly squish in their pants.
*Caution* - Use of this repellent may cause an Albanian to phone-dial the Hague Tribunal on you.
1. Crosses
Similar to Vampires, Albanians seem to have an adverse reaction to crosses. In the presence of a cross Albanians begin to howl/yell madly, beat their chests in violent rage and in extreme circumstances (depending on the size of cross) suffer severe epileptic seizures which end in foaming mouths, and quite often war-crimes charges against Serbia.
Use wisely.
*Caution to Albanians* Do not stare too long into the screen!
- side affects may include: Constipation, Hallucinations, Nightmares, Lack of Sleep, and/or Stockholm syndrome.
10. Interpol
With Albanian-related crimes being in the top 10 of Interpol's 188 member countries, Albanians everywhere have about a 10% chance of becoming wanted at some point in their lives.
9. The History Channel
When not broadcasting WWII documentaries, it's busy depicting Alexander the Great as Greek, Emperor Justinian as Greek and Epirus as Greek, causing Albanians everywhere to squeal and pull their hair out in anger.
8. Street Signs
Albanians do not like street signs. They find them confusing. Albanian capital Tirana has a total of 10 street signs, 5 of them for entering city limits. Place street signs around your home and an Albanian will never be able to make it to your front door.
7. Basketballs
Toss one of these at an Albanian and watch him become confused and/or agitated by the enigmatic sphere-shaped object.
Albania being one of the worst-ranked basketball nations in Europe and the World, they avoid basketballs like shampoo.
6. Enver Hoxha
Ruling Albania with an Iron Fist for 41 years, he effectively made Albanians crap their pants at the sound of 'religion' or 'spy'. Albanians to this day still honor him, with the subconscious fear that he'll send them to a prison camp when he resurrects.
5. Babies
One thing Albanians fear more than Hoxha, is responsibility. Offer them a television they will gladly trade you their baby; offer a brand new Mercedes Benz and they will ship you a nursery.
4. Pyramid Schemes
AKA 'Albanian gambling' - Every Albanian's guilty pleasure; offer a good enough pitch and he'll be your new, excited 'associate', with many more of his countrymen to follow.
3. GTA IV
In this award-winning and extremely popular video game, you get to play as Serb Niko Bellic and have to kill Albanians hoodlums in order to progress through the missions. Pop this badboy into your PS3 and watch the Albanians get flustered.
2. Arkan
His forces being responsible for killing vast numbers of Albanians in 1999 and sending Albanian heroes to dog-paddle in the adriatic sea; the word "Arkan" triggers Albanians to shriek in unison: "Ethnic Cleansing!", typically accompanied with a smelly squish in their pants.
*Caution* - Use of this repellent may cause an Albanian to phone-dial the Hague Tribunal on you.
1. Crosses
Similar to Vampires, Albanians seem to have an adverse reaction to crosses. In the presence of a cross Albanians begin to howl/yell madly, beat their chests in violent rage and in extreme circumstances (depending on the size of cross) suffer severe epileptic seizures which end in foaming mouths, and quite often war-crimes charges against Serbia.
Use wisely.