Post by Anittas on Nov 12, 2011 17:39:40 GMT -5
The Kosovarë Fairytale
by Anittas
Once upon a time there was an Albanian and a Romanian. They were best friends. They did everything together: they dined together, they played football together, they dated women together. One day, a wicked creature calling itself a Kosovarë determined that their friendship had to be put to an end. One way or another, the Kosovarë succeeded in his endeavour and the Albanian and the Romanian were no longer friends. But as life has its way, the Albanian finds out the truth and demands the Kosovarë to answer to the allegations made against him. He asks the Kosovarë why he assailed the honorable Romanian. But the Kosovarë has no adequate answer to give, whereupon the valiant Albanian decides to put the Kosovarë to great shame and suffering. He orders all people and all animals, from the smallest fly to the greatest beast, to ignore the Kosovarë in all wordly matters.
'This is what you deserve for your impudence, Kosovarë!', exclaims the Albanian.
And now with the Kosovarë being stigmatized by most of the living things, his woman decides to abandon him, also. The Kosovarë's hatred now grew to immense levels, since he was alone, with no one by his side to love him, to care for him, and bear his children. And also no more driving stolen Mercedes' to go on picknicks. The Kosovarë was sad. As he grew older and his vitality was failing him, he retreated to the world of literature and philosophy. In his solitude, he grows ascetic and the vanity that once made a prominent entrance in his youth, is nearly gone, evaporated as if it never existed.
The Kosovarë is now an old man, his mind illuminated by wisdom and altruism. He feels ready to undo the wrongs he has inflicted on others, and so he decides to embark on a journey to ask the Romanian for forgiveness. He gathers the necessary provisions and sets of in the cover of darkness. He traverses the land of the Serb, where he finds mistreatment due to his wrongfully shaped head; but the Kosovarë remains calm. His warrior-like attitude now exists only in his heart, but it holds no rage; and no Serb can ever corrupt it. After the Serb has his way with the Kosovarë, he lets him go. After 5 days and 5 nights, the Kosovarë reaches the land of the Goblins, also known as Bulgarians. Here he finds worse mistreatment than that given to him by the Serb. These primitive savages commit so much evil on the Kosovarë that the latter looks up in the sky and asks the Father to forgive them for, even though they know what they're doing, they don't know any better.
The Bulgarians, perplexed by this behavior, asks the Kosovarë whom he was addressing. The Kosovarë, realizing that this is his chance to escape, nearly succeeds in convincing the Bulgarians that he is God. But the Bulgarians remain unconvinced and demand a miracle from the Kosovarë as proof of his divine nature. The Kosovarë, finding himself in great despair, picks up two flints and some hay and to the great astonishment of the Bulgarians, he builds a fire. The Bulgarians jump up and down, for they have never witnessed the artificial creation of fire!
'We will use this element to battle the Serbs!', one of their commanders exclaimed.
'If you care so much for fire', the Kosovarë added, 'you should look into the works of Jack London and read "To Build a Fire".'
'Ghackz ... Londisvsky ... reading?' wondered the Bulgarians.
'Oh, never mind!' said the Kosovarë. 'On your way now and kill them Serbs!'
As they departed, the Bulgarians gave the Kosovarë some food, and although they wondered why God needed nutrition to survive, they remained quiet as to not awake his wrath. After 2 days of traversing the land, he reaches the town of Ruse (former Romanian territory under the reign of Mircea) and traded some of the food he had in his backpack in order to be transported to the other side of Danube. The Bulgarian who was the owner of a stolen wooden boat warned the Kosovarë that rats and Bulgarians are not permitted in Romania: although the rules are sometimes relaxed on rats.
As they arrive on the other side, the Kosovarë approaches a sentry tower that has some kind of a warning sign with some sort of drawing on it. As he approaches, he is able to decipher the name of the town, Giurgiu, and the drawing of an axe severing what seems to look like the head of a Bulgarian. He takes a deep breath and yells to the guards, identifying himself as a Kovovarë and asks for an audience with someone of authority. As it just happened, the local governor was present in the sentry tower. He was there to gather intelligence on the Bulgarian threat. He addressess the Kosovarë in a suspicious tone:
'I am the governor of Oltenia! If you are indeed a Kosovarë and not a Bulgarian, count to ten!'
The Kosovarë, perplexed by such an odd request, starts counting aloud to ten. The governor, however, remains suspicious. He is quite old, and therefore quite experienced. In his day, he read reports of some Bulgarians being able to count to 15. He then asks the Kosovarë to count to 20, and then to multiply that sum with 2 and tell him the result. The Kosovarë obeys his request without questioning; and then tells him the result. The governor then orders the gate to be open and invites the Kosovarë to his quarter where they feast all night. The Kosovarë tells the governor of his pleads and tells him of all things he has learned since committing his sins. The governor interrupts him, saying:
'You have grown to be wise, Kosovarë, but I am merely a Wallachian and my intellect finds its limits within these walls. I was trained to outwit rats and Bulgarians, this is what I do best. You need to head north, to the vast lands of Moldavia, and seek the Roman Caesar. He lives in a great castle in which no Turk, Polishman, or Hungarian were able to break through. You will recognize him by his penache helmet. He can help you!'
Said and done, after resting for two days, the Kosovarë renewed his travels, this time towards Moldavia. To cut the story short, he did meet the Roman Caesar and he told him all about the agony he had to endure at the hands of the Serbs and Bulgarians. The Roman Caesar weeped upon hearing of such hardships; and when the Kosovarë was done with his narration, the Roman Caesar embraced him as a lost brother, and forgave him on the account of all Romanians and Albanians alike; and then asked him to remain, for he could use a wise and loyal advisor by his side, but the Kosovarë declined, saying he had to return to KosovA and civilize the rest of the beasts living there. He did, however, ask the Roman Caesar for a woman to have by his side, saying that although he is of old age and his sperm has reached a state of inferiority, he could still raise a son. As per his request, the Roman Caesar orders one of his servants to fetch the Gypsy virgin. When the Kosovarë saw her, he fell in love on the spot. This Gypsy girl was like no other, and her hips were wide, inclining that she could bear him many sons. And from what I hear, dear readers, this is also what she did and they lived happily ever after.
The End
by Anittas
Once upon a time there was an Albanian and a Romanian. They were best friends. They did everything together: they dined together, they played football together, they dated women together. One day, a wicked creature calling itself a Kosovarë determined that their friendship had to be put to an end. One way or another, the Kosovarë succeeded in his endeavour and the Albanian and the Romanian were no longer friends. But as life has its way, the Albanian finds out the truth and demands the Kosovarë to answer to the allegations made against him. He asks the Kosovarë why he assailed the honorable Romanian. But the Kosovarë has no adequate answer to give, whereupon the valiant Albanian decides to put the Kosovarë to great shame and suffering. He orders all people and all animals, from the smallest fly to the greatest beast, to ignore the Kosovarë in all wordly matters.
'This is what you deserve for your impudence, Kosovarë!', exclaims the Albanian.
And now with the Kosovarë being stigmatized by most of the living things, his woman decides to abandon him, also. The Kosovarë's hatred now grew to immense levels, since he was alone, with no one by his side to love him, to care for him, and bear his children. And also no more driving stolen Mercedes' to go on picknicks. The Kosovarë was sad. As he grew older and his vitality was failing him, he retreated to the world of literature and philosophy. In his solitude, he grows ascetic and the vanity that once made a prominent entrance in his youth, is nearly gone, evaporated as if it never existed.
The Kosovarë is now an old man, his mind illuminated by wisdom and altruism. He feels ready to undo the wrongs he has inflicted on others, and so he decides to embark on a journey to ask the Romanian for forgiveness. He gathers the necessary provisions and sets of in the cover of darkness. He traverses the land of the Serb, where he finds mistreatment due to his wrongfully shaped head; but the Kosovarë remains calm. His warrior-like attitude now exists only in his heart, but it holds no rage; and no Serb can ever corrupt it. After the Serb has his way with the Kosovarë, he lets him go. After 5 days and 5 nights, the Kosovarë reaches the land of the Goblins, also known as Bulgarians. Here he finds worse mistreatment than that given to him by the Serb. These primitive savages commit so much evil on the Kosovarë that the latter looks up in the sky and asks the Father to forgive them for, even though they know what they're doing, they don't know any better.
The Bulgarians, perplexed by this behavior, asks the Kosovarë whom he was addressing. The Kosovarë, realizing that this is his chance to escape, nearly succeeds in convincing the Bulgarians that he is God. But the Bulgarians remain unconvinced and demand a miracle from the Kosovarë as proof of his divine nature. The Kosovarë, finding himself in great despair, picks up two flints and some hay and to the great astonishment of the Bulgarians, he builds a fire. The Bulgarians jump up and down, for they have never witnessed the artificial creation of fire!
'We will use this element to battle the Serbs!', one of their commanders exclaimed.
'If you care so much for fire', the Kosovarë added, 'you should look into the works of Jack London and read "To Build a Fire".'
'Ghackz ... Londisvsky ... reading?' wondered the Bulgarians.
'Oh, never mind!' said the Kosovarë. 'On your way now and kill them Serbs!'
As they departed, the Bulgarians gave the Kosovarë some food, and although they wondered why God needed nutrition to survive, they remained quiet as to not awake his wrath. After 2 days of traversing the land, he reaches the town of Ruse (former Romanian territory under the reign of Mircea) and traded some of the food he had in his backpack in order to be transported to the other side of Danube. The Bulgarian who was the owner of a stolen wooden boat warned the Kosovarë that rats and Bulgarians are not permitted in Romania: although the rules are sometimes relaxed on rats.
As they arrive on the other side, the Kosovarë approaches a sentry tower that has some kind of a warning sign with some sort of drawing on it. As he approaches, he is able to decipher the name of the town, Giurgiu, and the drawing of an axe severing what seems to look like the head of a Bulgarian. He takes a deep breath and yells to the guards, identifying himself as a Kovovarë and asks for an audience with someone of authority. As it just happened, the local governor was present in the sentry tower. He was there to gather intelligence on the Bulgarian threat. He addressess the Kosovarë in a suspicious tone:
'I am the governor of Oltenia! If you are indeed a Kosovarë and not a Bulgarian, count to ten!'
The Kosovarë, perplexed by such an odd request, starts counting aloud to ten. The governor, however, remains suspicious. He is quite old, and therefore quite experienced. In his day, he read reports of some Bulgarians being able to count to 15. He then asks the Kosovarë to count to 20, and then to multiply that sum with 2 and tell him the result. The Kosovarë obeys his request without questioning; and then tells him the result. The governor then orders the gate to be open and invites the Kosovarë to his quarter where they feast all night. The Kosovarë tells the governor of his pleads and tells him of all things he has learned since committing his sins. The governor interrupts him, saying:
'You have grown to be wise, Kosovarë, but I am merely a Wallachian and my intellect finds its limits within these walls. I was trained to outwit rats and Bulgarians, this is what I do best. You need to head north, to the vast lands of Moldavia, and seek the Roman Caesar. He lives in a great castle in which no Turk, Polishman, or Hungarian were able to break through. You will recognize him by his penache helmet. He can help you!'
Said and done, after resting for two days, the Kosovarë renewed his travels, this time towards Moldavia. To cut the story short, he did meet the Roman Caesar and he told him all about the agony he had to endure at the hands of the Serbs and Bulgarians. The Roman Caesar weeped upon hearing of such hardships; and when the Kosovarë was done with his narration, the Roman Caesar embraced him as a lost brother, and forgave him on the account of all Romanians and Albanians alike; and then asked him to remain, for he could use a wise and loyal advisor by his side, but the Kosovarë declined, saying he had to return to KosovA and civilize the rest of the beasts living there. He did, however, ask the Roman Caesar for a woman to have by his side, saying that although he is of old age and his sperm has reached a state of inferiority, he could still raise a son. As per his request, the Roman Caesar orders one of his servants to fetch the Gypsy virgin. When the Kosovarë saw her, he fell in love on the spot. This Gypsy girl was like no other, and her hips were wide, inclining that she could bear him many sons. And from what I hear, dear readers, this is also what she did and they lived happily ever after.
The End