Post by Bozur on Feb 15, 2006 23:49:21 GMT -5
Valentine's Day Homework
The New York Times, February 14, 2006
"It's Valentine's Day, husbands. Do you have your To Do list? Sure, you've
gotten the flowers, but unless you've read Scott Haltzman's new book, you
don't know the rest of your duties today — and every other day:
• Tell your wife you adore her.
• Suggest an activity that's fun.
• Do your share of child care.
• Do your part with chores.
• Listen without judging.
• Praise her.
• Support her interests.
• Say, "I understand," when she expresses her emotions.
You will find these jobs in a handy chart in Haltzman's book, "The Secrets
of Happily Married Men," which is a work of marketing genius. Haltzman, a
psychiatrist at Brown University, knows that most guys will not buy a
self-help book unless it tells them how to make more money or actualize
their inner golfer.
So he's aimed this one at women, from the subtitle — "Eight Ways to Win Your
Wife's Heart Forever" — to the Herculean lists of husbandly duties. He has
been busy inscribing copies for wives who are buying it to give to their
husbands on Valentine's Day.
If you get one, do not throw it away. Do not be intimidated by the daily job
chart. The genius of this book is that it looks appealing to women shoppers
while offering male readers a reassuringly subversive message. It's a book
that asks politically incorrect questions about men and women at home — the
neglected front in the gender wars.
Since women have gone to work outside the home, an industry of experts has
been analyzing their difficulties on the work front. How can they balance
work with their maternal urges? Should jobs be restructured to accommodate
women? How can managers be more empathetic to women's emotional needs?
Smarter employers have realized that the old male football-coach style of
management — just do your job and shut up — doesn't work anymore.
Meanwhile, there haven't been many task forces analyzing men's adjustment on
the home front. "Women wanted new roles outside the home, but men didn't
lobby for new responsibilities at home," Haltzman says. "Fortunately, most
men are glad to become more active parents. We want to help raise our kids.
But here's the new role we didn't choose: that we become more emotionally
attuned to our wives. Men are not innately competent at that role."
The standard advice for bungling husbands is to go with their wives to a
marriage counselor, but Haltzman disagrees. He's a marriage counselor who
advises men to beware of marriage counseling. While other therapists urge
men to get in touch with their feelings and empathize with their wives',
Haltzman figures this is a losing game because their brains aren't wired for
it.
They can't express their emotions or empathize as well as women can. Telling
a man to solve his marital problems by talking about his emotions for an
hour is like telling a woman to solve her problems at the office by joining
the guys for a weekend game of paintball. . ."
The New York Times, February 14, 2006
"It's Valentine's Day, husbands. Do you have your To Do list? Sure, you've
gotten the flowers, but unless you've read Scott Haltzman's new book, you
don't know the rest of your duties today — and every other day:
• Tell your wife you adore her.
• Suggest an activity that's fun.
• Do your share of child care.
• Do your part with chores.
• Listen without judging.
• Praise her.
• Support her interests.
• Say, "I understand," when she expresses her emotions.
You will find these jobs in a handy chart in Haltzman's book, "The Secrets
of Happily Married Men," which is a work of marketing genius. Haltzman, a
psychiatrist at Brown University, knows that most guys will not buy a
self-help book unless it tells them how to make more money or actualize
their inner golfer.
So he's aimed this one at women, from the subtitle — "Eight Ways to Win Your
Wife's Heart Forever" — to the Herculean lists of husbandly duties. He has
been busy inscribing copies for wives who are buying it to give to their
husbands on Valentine's Day.
If you get one, do not throw it away. Do not be intimidated by the daily job
chart. The genius of this book is that it looks appealing to women shoppers
while offering male readers a reassuringly subversive message. It's a book
that asks politically incorrect questions about men and women at home — the
neglected front in the gender wars.
Since women have gone to work outside the home, an industry of experts has
been analyzing their difficulties on the work front. How can they balance
work with their maternal urges? Should jobs be restructured to accommodate
women? How can managers be more empathetic to women's emotional needs?
Smarter employers have realized that the old male football-coach style of
management — just do your job and shut up — doesn't work anymore.
Meanwhile, there haven't been many task forces analyzing men's adjustment on
the home front. "Women wanted new roles outside the home, but men didn't
lobby for new responsibilities at home," Haltzman says. "Fortunately, most
men are glad to become more active parents. We want to help raise our kids.
But here's the new role we didn't choose: that we become more emotionally
attuned to our wives. Men are not innately competent at that role."
The standard advice for bungling husbands is to go with their wives to a
marriage counselor, but Haltzman disagrees. He's a marriage counselor who
advises men to beware of marriage counseling. While other therapists urge
men to get in touch with their feelings and empathize with their wives',
Haltzman figures this is a losing game because their brains aren't wired for
it.
They can't express their emotions or empathize as well as women can. Telling
a man to solve his marital problems by talking about his emotions for an
hour is like telling a woman to solve her problems at the office by joining
the guys for a weekend game of paintball. . ."