Post by Bozur on Dec 8, 2008 0:42:09 GMT -5
Jealousy leads to acts of evil
Oakland Tribune, Apr 25, 2003
THEY'RE all ruthless.
All seven "deadly sins" -- anger, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, pride and sloth -- do an excellent job at destroying lives. The seven deadly sins are from Christian-Catholic theology, but I don't care what religion you are: Succumbing to any of them will mess you up.
This is especially true with envy -- jealousy -- which may be the worst. Working with adolescents, it's the one I have to deal with the most. Kids can be unbelievably and blatantly mean. So often, jealousy is the cause of their cruelty.
Jealousy arises when somebody else has something we want. When we're kids, we may be jealous when another kid has a toy we want. As we grow older, our jealousy matures.
Someone may be better looking or have a talent we wish we had. Even when friends and relatives earn success, jealousy kicks in. They have the car, the house, the job, the lifestyle we covet. Envy leads to resentment and resentment leads to evil behavior.
The jealousy issue came up in my seventh-grade classroom after we read Louis Sachar's "Holes." In it, there's a disturbing scene where jealousy leads to a stupid fight. So my students and I talked about the green monster.
In some ways, boys and girls cope with jealousy differently. Like in "Holes," young boys lash out. When they feel envy, they verbally and physically attack. Girls, on the other hand, tend to avoid those they're jealous of, but they'll talk virulently about them -- which leads to hurtful rumors.
Interestingly, though, when it comes to celebrities, girls and boys react in the same silly, predictable way. Boys, jealous that superstars like Justin Timberlake and Nelly are rich, famous and desired by millions of girls, absurdly claim that these handsome stars are gay.
Girls, jealous of the beauty, talent and success of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, accuse them of being "hoes." Which makes absolutely no sense. I mean, Britney and Christina are making pretty nice legitimate livings.
Typically, to fight jealously, we're told to stop feeling it. We should concentrate on "appreciating what we have." There's only one problem with that. It doesn't work.
Telling someone to stop feeling jealous is like telling someone to stop shivering. We're going to feel jealous. We can't help it. We're human.
What enables warriors to defeat it is that they admit to themselvesthat they feel it. They recognize that it's not the person - - but what the person has -- that disturbs them.
They also do something that conquers the destructiveness instigated by envy. Whenever possible, they seek out those they're jealous of and compliment them. Afterward, they may still feel jealous, but its destructive power is diffused. They feel better and the people they complimented love them.
And it's hard to resent somebody who loves you.
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