Bozur
Amicus
Posts: 5,515
|
Post by Bozur on Mar 20, 2009 23:26:17 GMT -5
How to Solve the AIDS Problem? Put a Bible Over Your Penis
thedailymash.co.uk — POPE Benedict last night claimed that placing a bible over an erect penis before intercourse is the only guaranteed way to prevent the spread of Aids. Let's not tempt fate with unreliable condoms. More… (Odd Stuff)
-------
PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE
POPE Benedict last night claimed that placing a bible over an erect penis before intercourse is the only guaranteed way to prevent the spread of Aids.
peaking before his tour of Africa, the Pontiff said Aids could only be tackled by the 'traditional teaching of the church' and not a latex rubber sheath that contains infected semen and prevents it from transferring the virus to another human being.
Experts said that either the Pope is suggesting the bible is used like a condom, or he doesn't know what a condom is.
Dr Emma Bradford, of Reading University, said: "I guess you would have to rip out a few pages of Leviticus and then somehow fashion them into a condom-like device using lots and lots of masking tape.
"Or you could shred the pages, soak them in water and construct something that looks a bit like a paper maché cigar tube."
Dr Bradford added: "It has to be one of those two because suggesting that the African Aids epidemic can be contained simply by reading the bible would be criminally insane."
Since his inauguration in 2005 the Pope has continued the Church's strong opposition to condoms by calling for abstinence, supervised heavy petting and whacking it repeatedly with a wooden spoon until it goes all soft again.
Meanwhile the Vatican has issued this year's list of approved non-penetrative carnal techniques including pearl necklaces, light genital branding and something called 'Dutch steamboating'. www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/put-a-bible-over-your-penis,-says-pope-200903181648/
|
|
|
Post by hellboy87 on Mar 21, 2009 23:58:13 GMT -5
WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? !!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
Post by SKORIC on Mar 22, 2009 7:56:22 GMT -5
ROFL!
*French accent* But ofcourse! Why didnt i think of this before!
|
|
|
Post by lvl100 on Mar 22, 2009 14:37:24 GMT -5
IN THE NEXT EPISODE:
Financial problems ? Put a bible over your wallet.
|
|
|
Post by vinjak on Mar 22, 2009 16:56:27 GMT -5
whacking it repeatedly with a wooden spoon until it goes all soft again.
lololol
|
|
Bozur
Amicus
Posts: 5,515
|
Post by Bozur on Mar 22, 2009 18:54:00 GMT -5
|
|
MiG
Amicus
Republika
Posts: 4,793
|
Post by MiG on Mar 23, 2009 9:50:06 GMT -5
LOL. The Pope lost one too many.
|
|
Zvone
Amicus
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Posts: 525
|
Post by Zvone on Mar 23, 2009 12:53:41 GMT -5
Proud to be Christian!!
|
|
MiG
Amicus
Republika
Posts: 4,793
|
Post by MiG on Mar 24, 2009 0:38:52 GMT -5
^ Sure you are.
|
|
Bozur
Amicus
Posts: 5,515
|
Post by Bozur on Mar 24, 2009 12:32:14 GMT -5
I wonder if anyone else was giving such 'medical advice' while not being legally authorized to do so would they have been held legally liable for saying such things.
Anyone other then Pope surely would.
|
|
Bozur
Amicus
Posts: 5,515
|
Post by Bozur on Mar 24, 2009 12:33:34 GMT -5
Why the pope is wrong on HIV transmission
newscientist.com — According to reporters present at the time, it's true. On a flight to Yaoundé in Cameroon, his first trip as pope to Africa, home of two-thirds of the world's AIDS sufferers, Pope Benedict XVI really did say that AIDS is a "drama that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which on the contrary increase the problem." More… (Health)
---------
March 19, 2009 4:34 PM Why the pope is wrong on HIV transmission Debora MacKenzie, Brussels correspondent
According to reporters present at the time, it's true. On a flight to Yaoundé in Cameroon, his first trip as pope to Africa, home of two-thirds of the world's AIDS sufferers, Pope Benedict XVI really did say that AIDS is a "drama that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which on the contrary increase the problem."
UNAIDS, the UN umbrella organization fighting the global AIDS pandemic, was quick to respond: "the male latex condom is the single, most efficient, available technology to reduce the sexual transmission of HIV."
Is the pope from another planet? Is he stupid? Uneducated? No, obviously not. Does he know something we don't? No. But that might not be so obvious to everyone.
The statement has been condemned by health officials worldwide. Preventing sexual transmission of the virus is crucial to preventing a vast acceleration of the AIDS pandemic.
People with HIV used to die after a few years. But now there are anti-HIV drugs, and poor Africans - the majority of infected people - are finally getting them. So now many live for decades - a medical triumph, a humanitarian victory, but also a vastly increased source of infection if those people don't use condoms.
There is already far too much transmission. "In 2007, an estimated 2.7 million people became newly infected with HIV," says UNAIDS. "About 45% of them were young people from 15 to 24 years old, with young girls at greater risk of infection than boys."
Note the numbers. UNAIDS speaks on the basis of measurements, data, real facts out there in the real world. Scientists know condoms stop the virus being transmitted because they've made observations, from monitoring couples to watching whole countries like Thailand and Brazil slow the epidemic with condoms.
So on what basis is Benedict speaking? Doctrinal consistency. The Catholic Church believes that people must have sex only with their spouses, with no contraceptives, to leave open the chance of procreation. Besides, contraceptives encourage sex outside wedlock by minimising its consequences. So they have to insist that more condoms leads to more illicit sex and more AIDS.
Such medieval thinking is completely detached from the real world. If that was how human sexuality really happened, HIV would indeed never have got far. Adding condoms to a situation where people were just beginning to contemplate sex outside wedlock might indeed tip the balance fatally toward promiscuity.
But promiscuity is already happening, and shows no sign of letting up, as you'd think anyone listening inside confessionals would have noticed. Condoms are unlikely to add to it. But if there were more of them in Africa, that might help young women in Yaoundé who are not in a position to refuse sex. With a condom they might escape a fatal infection and a baby born with it. Any statement that leads to one more case like that might merit the kind of judgement that Pope Benedict has painted on his walls.
But like his predecessors - one of whom claimed that condoms had holes in that let HIV through - he is in a bind. His job is not to tell the scientific truth. It is to uphold doctrine. He's unlikely to change now, as Vatican spokesmen have stressed.
But let us be clear. When the pope says condoms make AIDS worse, he doesn't have access to secret facts. He's just staying true to a well-known, if somewhat tortuous party line. The scientific facts say otherwise. Condoms stop HIV.
He probably means well. The pope went on, "in front of pain or violence, poverty or hunger, corruption or the abuse of power, a Christian cannot remain silent."
Well, neither can a scientist. www.newscientist.com/blogs/shortsharpscience/2009/03/why-the-pope-is-wrong-on-hiv-t.html
|
|