Post by Bozur on Nov 16, 2007 23:50:43 GMT -5
Bad rap? Hire a publicist!
If history's most infamous characters lived today, no doubt they'd employ people to spin their story. Perhaps like this ...
By Bryan Tucker
People always have made mistakes. But in today's instant-scandal culture, a private gaffe can turn into a public nightmare. That's why celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan, Michael Richards and Michael Vick have publicists. It's the publicist's job to spin public screw-ups into harrowing stories of regret and redemption.
If some of history's most controversial figures had had the services of a publicist, they might be viewed differently today:
Press release: January 41 B.C.
From the publicist of Cleopatra Recently, several rumors have surfaced about our supreme leader of Egypt and a Roman triumvir named Mark Antony after the two were spotted together at the Senate's annual White Party. It should be stated for the record that Cleopatra and Mr. Antony are just good friends. They enjoy each other's platonic company, and they have several mutual interests, including travel, cooking and blood-thirsty gladiator sports. Mr. Antony remains happily married to his Roman wife, Fulvia, who supports his frequent business trips to Egypt.
Today, Mr. Antony is proud to announce that his business in Egypt will be expanding, as he has formed a joint partnership with Cleopatra to further study the relationship between their two great civilizations. This wonderful partnership will allow for Mr. Antony to stay in Cleopatra's royal suite for an extended period of time so that he may get a firsthand look at Egyptian society. No further details are available at this time. Thank you.
Press release: July 1220
From the publicist of Genghis Khan Emperor Genghis Khan, all-powerful leader of the Mongols, would like to answer some unfair questions recently posed by the Mongolian media. Although Mr. Khan is known for his pillaging, plundering and total destruction of all who dare challenge his might, he fears he has been labeled a difficult person. Nothing could be further from the truth. Mr. Khan is a husband, a father and a giver who relishes in contributing to the community. That's why Mr. Khan is proud to announce "Mongol Appreciation Day!" Hordes and their families are invited to a festival of games, food and family fun. Activities will include ax throwing, goat jousting and a hands-on torture demonstration. Mr. Khan hopes this gesture will, once and for all, put to rest any assertions that he is anything but a charitable man. From now on, those who make these assertions will be executed.
Press release: April 15, 1865
From the publicist of John Wilkes Booth After the tragic accident that took place yesterday, Mr. Booth has bravely announced that he has been fighting a battle with snuff abuse for many years. As an admitted snuff addict, Mr. Booth is prone to episodes that are completely out of his control, and Friday's theater incident is no exception. The confrontation with President Lincoln was an irrational act that Mr. Booth did in a state of great stress. Those who know Mr. Booth are well aware that he is a kind, rational man who donates to many charities, especially Confederate widows. Mr. Booth is currently enrolled in an ongoing program of recovery in an undisclosed location. We hope that he gets the medical attention he so desperately needs. He asks that all parties, especially the federal authorities, respect the privacy of him and his family.
Press release: October 1571
From the publicist of Ivan the Terrible Recently, it has come to our attention that a malicious press has given our great ruler, Ivan IV Vasilyevich, the nickname "Ivan the Terrible." Although King Ivan supports his subjects and their amusing creativity, he believes this moniker will give a misleading impression. He asks that another, more appropriate nickname be bestowed upon him. So, it is with great excitement that we issue the following list of possibilities. Please choose one of your liking:
--Ivan the Wonderful
-- Ivan the Cuddly
-- Ivan the Freshly Showered
-- Ivan the Shrimp Lover Or, if you insist on sticking with "terrible," perhaps "Ivan the Terribly Handsome."
Thanks for your cooperation!
Press release: May 1536
From the publicist of King Henry VIII After three wonderful years of marriage, the King regrets to announce that he and his wife, Anne Boleyn, will be divorcing due to irreconcilable differences, witchcraft and treason. The King and Ms. Boleyn each leave on their own accord, and both look forward to individual pursuits. His Majesty will continue his noble reign of England, while Ms. Boleyn has chosen to have herself beheaded, as it will be best for everyone. The King asks that all subjects respect his privacy in this time of great sorrow and not mention the separation or Ms. Boleyn's name to him ever again, for the matter is over with, and there's no need to speak of it anymore. Also, the King announces his royal engagement party to Miss Jane Seymour, to take place tomorrow.
usaweekend.com
If history's most infamous characters lived today, no doubt they'd employ people to spin their story. Perhaps like this ...
By Bryan Tucker
People always have made mistakes. But in today's instant-scandal culture, a private gaffe can turn into a public nightmare. That's why celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan, Michael Richards and Michael Vick have publicists. It's the publicist's job to spin public screw-ups into harrowing stories of regret and redemption.
If some of history's most controversial figures had had the services of a publicist, they might be viewed differently today:
Press release: January 41 B.C.
From the publicist of Cleopatra Recently, several rumors have surfaced about our supreme leader of Egypt and a Roman triumvir named Mark Antony after the two were spotted together at the Senate's annual White Party. It should be stated for the record that Cleopatra and Mr. Antony are just good friends. They enjoy each other's platonic company, and they have several mutual interests, including travel, cooking and blood-thirsty gladiator sports. Mr. Antony remains happily married to his Roman wife, Fulvia, who supports his frequent business trips to Egypt.
Today, Mr. Antony is proud to announce that his business in Egypt will be expanding, as he has formed a joint partnership with Cleopatra to further study the relationship between their two great civilizations. This wonderful partnership will allow for Mr. Antony to stay in Cleopatra's royal suite for an extended period of time so that he may get a firsthand look at Egyptian society. No further details are available at this time. Thank you.
Press release: July 1220
From the publicist of Genghis Khan Emperor Genghis Khan, all-powerful leader of the Mongols, would like to answer some unfair questions recently posed by the Mongolian media. Although Mr. Khan is known for his pillaging, plundering and total destruction of all who dare challenge his might, he fears he has been labeled a difficult person. Nothing could be further from the truth. Mr. Khan is a husband, a father and a giver who relishes in contributing to the community. That's why Mr. Khan is proud to announce "Mongol Appreciation Day!" Hordes and their families are invited to a festival of games, food and family fun. Activities will include ax throwing, goat jousting and a hands-on torture demonstration. Mr. Khan hopes this gesture will, once and for all, put to rest any assertions that he is anything but a charitable man. From now on, those who make these assertions will be executed.
Press release: April 15, 1865
From the publicist of John Wilkes Booth After the tragic accident that took place yesterday, Mr. Booth has bravely announced that he has been fighting a battle with snuff abuse for many years. As an admitted snuff addict, Mr. Booth is prone to episodes that are completely out of his control, and Friday's theater incident is no exception. The confrontation with President Lincoln was an irrational act that Mr. Booth did in a state of great stress. Those who know Mr. Booth are well aware that he is a kind, rational man who donates to many charities, especially Confederate widows. Mr. Booth is currently enrolled in an ongoing program of recovery in an undisclosed location. We hope that he gets the medical attention he so desperately needs. He asks that all parties, especially the federal authorities, respect the privacy of him and his family.
Press release: October 1571
From the publicist of Ivan the Terrible Recently, it has come to our attention that a malicious press has given our great ruler, Ivan IV Vasilyevich, the nickname "Ivan the Terrible." Although King Ivan supports his subjects and their amusing creativity, he believes this moniker will give a misleading impression. He asks that another, more appropriate nickname be bestowed upon him. So, it is with great excitement that we issue the following list of possibilities. Please choose one of your liking:
--Ivan the Wonderful
-- Ivan the Cuddly
-- Ivan the Freshly Showered
-- Ivan the Shrimp Lover Or, if you insist on sticking with "terrible," perhaps "Ivan the Terribly Handsome."
Thanks for your cooperation!
Press release: May 1536
From the publicist of King Henry VIII After three wonderful years of marriage, the King regrets to announce that he and his wife, Anne Boleyn, will be divorcing due to irreconcilable differences, witchcraft and treason. The King and Ms. Boleyn each leave on their own accord, and both look forward to individual pursuits. His Majesty will continue his noble reign of England, while Ms. Boleyn has chosen to have herself beheaded, as it will be best for everyone. The King asks that all subjects respect his privacy in this time of great sorrow and not mention the separation or Ms. Boleyn's name to him ever again, for the matter is over with, and there's no need to speak of it anymore. Also, the King announces his royal engagement party to Miss Jane Seymour, to take place tomorrow.
usaweekend.com