Post by spartacus on Jun 7, 2011 23:18:35 GMT -5
To all sympathizers of Nova Hrvatska and all my struggles in forging a Holy Croatian Empire,
I recently joined the schools Christian Club. And the decision to join stirred some excitement among Nova Hrvatska ranks to reach out to the evangelicals.
One Monday afternoon, as Kwak (My personal cook and devout Nova Hrvatska supporter of Korean origin and Buddhist faith) and I were discussing plans for our revolution, an absolute angel of a woman walked by. I stopped what I was doing, and cried
"BY GOD what a finely young lady that goes before me!" as I gazed, entranced. The woman in question gasped, then informed me she was a Jehovah's witness, and could only date a man who was in the Christian club. So Kwak and I then and there pledged our allegiance, and the following day showed up at the club meeting.
"If this is what it takes so be it!" I declared.
Another young man named Marvin, our good hyper friend with a caffeine addiction problem and fellow Nova Hrvatska sympathizer, was invited along with us, and taken aside for some thorough scripture reading.
I introduced Marvin to the Jehovah's witnesses
"This here is Marvin. He may not be one of the great minds of this century, or any of the last 300 that came before it, but he is to be treated with DIGNITY!" I declared.
After going through several hours of bible class, we were sent on our way with a boxful of copies of 'The Watchtower' to distribute around campus.
We immediately began preaching.
"Here you are, friend" I said, and handed a punk kid a copy of the Watchtower.
"I ain't into this, pal" he snapped, and Kwak's bike chain immediately came around his throat and choking him purple, as he screamed in his face
"SOWWY MAN, YOU BEWWER WELL WEED THIS, BOY!" then smacked his face so hard a tooth went flying out his mouth. Kwak's approach to spreading Jehovah's message was a tad more blunt. He lumbered up to the people as they were in the midst of getting to their classes, and snarled
"Oi. It's the Watchtower. Fookin weed it, sunshine!" shoving a copy into their faces.
Then, empowered by GOD, we ran on top of the 3-stories of stairs outside leading to one of the buildings. Screaming "PRAISE JEHOVAH!!! ARRRGGH!!" to all the bystanders watching below us.
The exertion was so great I had to vomit, and screaming "BLAAARRGGGH!!" spewed out a few gallons of stomach contents down onto the heads of a group of jewish fellows.
They began screaming, shaking their fists at me "You farging icehole, we keel you!" they screamed.
"Marvin, take care of those infidels...they are indeed DEMONS released from the abyss!" I commanded, and Kwak ceremoniously tossed Marvin his coveted bike chain. Screaming "DEMONS!! DEEEMOONS!" Marvin jumped out of the stair well, and a few seconds later rounded the corner and charged into the jewish fiends, lashing them with the bike chain. He chased them across the street, but alas... a double decker bus came screeching along, and didn't brake in time and Marvin was run over!
His crumpled body lay quivering beneath the wheels of the bus. Kwak yelled out ALLROIGHT MAHVIN!".
No doubt, the stouthearted, coke-bottle glasses wearing Marvin will be back on his feet in no time, I assured myself.
To celebrate our victory, we drank whiskey till the wee hours of the morning, and then decided to drive to the Jehova meeting to spread the good news of how Marvin battled the forces of Satan.
Unfortunately, Kwak was a bit intoxicated and drove the Rolls Royce through the front doors of the Hall. We staggered out, and passed out on the floor. When we awoke, we were in a cell at the police station. Luckily, a phone call from the influential Croatian lobby and corporate sympathizers of Nova Hrvatska to the chief of police got us out and we were told that there was a court order banning us from the Jehova Witnesses!
I recently joined the schools Christian Club. And the decision to join stirred some excitement among Nova Hrvatska ranks to reach out to the evangelicals.
One Monday afternoon, as Kwak (My personal cook and devout Nova Hrvatska supporter of Korean origin and Buddhist faith) and I were discussing plans for our revolution, an absolute angel of a woman walked by. I stopped what I was doing, and cried
"BY GOD what a finely young lady that goes before me!" as I gazed, entranced. The woman in question gasped, then informed me she was a Jehovah's witness, and could only date a man who was in the Christian club. So Kwak and I then and there pledged our allegiance, and the following day showed up at the club meeting.
"If this is what it takes so be it!" I declared.
Another young man named Marvin, our good hyper friend with a caffeine addiction problem and fellow Nova Hrvatska sympathizer, was invited along with us, and taken aside for some thorough scripture reading.
I introduced Marvin to the Jehovah's witnesses
"This here is Marvin. He may not be one of the great minds of this century, or any of the last 300 that came before it, but he is to be treated with DIGNITY!" I declared.
After going through several hours of bible class, we were sent on our way with a boxful of copies of 'The Watchtower' to distribute around campus.
We immediately began preaching.
"Here you are, friend" I said, and handed a punk kid a copy of the Watchtower.
"I ain't into this, pal" he snapped, and Kwak's bike chain immediately came around his throat and choking him purple, as he screamed in his face
"SOWWY MAN, YOU BEWWER WELL WEED THIS, BOY!" then smacked his face so hard a tooth went flying out his mouth. Kwak's approach to spreading Jehovah's message was a tad more blunt. He lumbered up to the people as they were in the midst of getting to their classes, and snarled
"Oi. It's the Watchtower. Fookin weed it, sunshine!" shoving a copy into their faces.
Then, empowered by GOD, we ran on top of the 3-stories of stairs outside leading to one of the buildings. Screaming "PRAISE JEHOVAH!!! ARRRGGH!!" to all the bystanders watching below us.
The exertion was so great I had to vomit, and screaming "BLAAARRGGGH!!" spewed out a few gallons of stomach contents down onto the heads of a group of jewish fellows.
They began screaming, shaking their fists at me "You farging icehole, we keel you!" they screamed.
"Marvin, take care of those infidels...they are indeed DEMONS released from the abyss!" I commanded, and Kwak ceremoniously tossed Marvin his coveted bike chain. Screaming "DEMONS!! DEEEMOONS!" Marvin jumped out of the stair well, and a few seconds later rounded the corner and charged into the jewish fiends, lashing them with the bike chain. He chased them across the street, but alas... a double decker bus came screeching along, and didn't brake in time and Marvin was run over!
His crumpled body lay quivering beneath the wheels of the bus. Kwak yelled out ALLROIGHT MAHVIN!".
No doubt, the stouthearted, coke-bottle glasses wearing Marvin will be back on his feet in no time, I assured myself.
To celebrate our victory, we drank whiskey till the wee hours of the morning, and then decided to drive to the Jehova meeting to spread the good news of how Marvin battled the forces of Satan.
Unfortunately, Kwak was a bit intoxicated and drove the Rolls Royce through the front doors of the Hall. We staggered out, and passed out on the floor. When we awoke, we were in a cell at the police station. Luckily, a phone call from the influential Croatian lobby and corporate sympathizers of Nova Hrvatska to the chief of police got us out and we were told that there was a court order banning us from the Jehova Witnesses!