Post by spartacus on Apr 20, 2011 23:29:13 GMT -5
I am very frustrated with the lack of respect I have been getting!
The following is a true story...
A little over a month ago, I decided that my Nova Hrvatska storm troopers needed military training in the fighting arts of the far east.
My deputy and, loyal Nova Hrvatska extremist of Korean ancestry, Kwak, opened diplomatic ties with the Japanese. He arranged for a Japanese judo instructor to train the Nova Hrvatska militia.
I've been on a bulking cycle for the past several years, and felt that it was about time I gave a show of strength in a controlled environment. Accompanied by Kwak, I signed up for Judo classes run by a black belt master, a Mr. Fujimoto, who was a small Japanese man that looked like 'Mr. Miyagi' from the 'The Karate Kid' films. The little Jap devil is probably a WW2 war criminal!
The first month was dull. We did break-falls, stretching, and learned a few basic flips. The warm-ups exhausted me. After 5 or 6 jumping jacks I was sweating tremendously and had difficulty breathing. Who needs endurance when you can bench 700 pounds?!!
Finally, I attended my first 'tournament' at the school. I was matched up against another guy, the biggest one they could find. As soon as we had finished bowing, I ran, screaming, and tackled the guy with such force that he did a perfect backwards somersault and when he hit the mat, he lay unconscious! I raised my hands in victory, and Kwak roared "NOVA HRVATSKA!!!!!!"
Just then, Mr. Fujimoto yelled something in Japanese and there was complete silence.
"Dat is nawt Judo! Now you twy dat on me!!" he snarled and stood across from me on the mat.
Mr. Fujimoto's mother, who looked around 150 years old, stood on the sidelines, wearing a Judo outfit, and gave him an approving nod.
"Fine. Prepare to die!" I screamed, then ran screaming to deliver a tackle. Mr. Fujimoto fell to the ground, stuck his foot in my stomach, and, using my own weight and speed against me, sent me airborne, and I landed on the other side of the room on my back! I lay there, winded, and finally struggled to my feet. "Sneaky little bastard...what on earth was that?!" I protested.
I ran over to him, and when I went to grab his little neck, I found myself being flipped! I was tossed across the room, and lay on the mat, winded. As Mr. Fujimoto approached me, I closed my fist, spun around and punched him right in the jaw - now THAT he wasn't expecting!
He fell to the ground, and I seized him, lifted him up over my head, walked over to the front window of the schools gym, and hurled him through it! Kwak grabbed Mr. Fujimoto's mother and tossed her through the window after him, neutralizing the threat the old woman posed!
The two little Jap devils lay moaning and groaning on the sidewalk, sporting broken shards of glass stuck in their bodies!
"That's for what you Japs did to what was left of the WINNEPEG RIFLES at Hong Kong!" I screamed, as Kwak beat both of their prostrate forms with his handy bike chain, screaming "foookin baaaahhhhstahhds!" with every death-dealing lash!
After they found out that their little plan of pretending to teach me Judo, and instead hoping to attack me off guard, didn't work, I am no longer welcome in the Judo school. The Nova Hrvatska movement will look elsewhere for training!
The following is a true story...
A little over a month ago, I decided that my Nova Hrvatska storm troopers needed military training in the fighting arts of the far east.
My deputy and, loyal Nova Hrvatska extremist of Korean ancestry, Kwak, opened diplomatic ties with the Japanese. He arranged for a Japanese judo instructor to train the Nova Hrvatska militia.
I've been on a bulking cycle for the past several years, and felt that it was about time I gave a show of strength in a controlled environment. Accompanied by Kwak, I signed up for Judo classes run by a black belt master, a Mr. Fujimoto, who was a small Japanese man that looked like 'Mr. Miyagi' from the 'The Karate Kid' films. The little Jap devil is probably a WW2 war criminal!
The first month was dull. We did break-falls, stretching, and learned a few basic flips. The warm-ups exhausted me. After 5 or 6 jumping jacks I was sweating tremendously and had difficulty breathing. Who needs endurance when you can bench 700 pounds?!!
Finally, I attended my first 'tournament' at the school. I was matched up against another guy, the biggest one they could find. As soon as we had finished bowing, I ran, screaming, and tackled the guy with such force that he did a perfect backwards somersault and when he hit the mat, he lay unconscious! I raised my hands in victory, and Kwak roared "NOVA HRVATSKA!!!!!!"
Just then, Mr. Fujimoto yelled something in Japanese and there was complete silence.
"Dat is nawt Judo! Now you twy dat on me!!" he snarled and stood across from me on the mat.
Mr. Fujimoto's mother, who looked around 150 years old, stood on the sidelines, wearing a Judo outfit, and gave him an approving nod.
"Fine. Prepare to die!" I screamed, then ran screaming to deliver a tackle. Mr. Fujimoto fell to the ground, stuck his foot in my stomach, and, using my own weight and speed against me, sent me airborne, and I landed on the other side of the room on my back! I lay there, winded, and finally struggled to my feet. "Sneaky little bastard...what on earth was that?!" I protested.
I ran over to him, and when I went to grab his little neck, I found myself being flipped! I was tossed across the room, and lay on the mat, winded. As Mr. Fujimoto approached me, I closed my fist, spun around and punched him right in the jaw - now THAT he wasn't expecting!
He fell to the ground, and I seized him, lifted him up over my head, walked over to the front window of the schools gym, and hurled him through it! Kwak grabbed Mr. Fujimoto's mother and tossed her through the window after him, neutralizing the threat the old woman posed!
The two little Jap devils lay moaning and groaning on the sidewalk, sporting broken shards of glass stuck in their bodies!
"That's for what you Japs did to what was left of the WINNEPEG RIFLES at Hong Kong!" I screamed, as Kwak beat both of their prostrate forms with his handy bike chain, screaming "foookin baaaahhhhstahhds!" with every death-dealing lash!
After they found out that their little plan of pretending to teach me Judo, and instead hoping to attack me off guard, didn't work, I am no longer welcome in the Judo school. The Nova Hrvatska movement will look elsewhere for training!